Does anyone else feel like they have gotten in that “mom rut”? I absolutely HATE to call it that but that is the term I hear most often. I remember talking with one of my friends while I was pregnant, she was saying that when she had kids she didn’t want to be one of those moms who never got ready and just let themselves go. I completely agreed with her at the time…and now here I am, a mom who spends most days in her pajama pants, nursing top and hair up! How did it come to this?!
It’s just so easy to fall into that groove. I’m not going anywhere today, I’m a stay at home mom; the only people who see me is my husband (who spends days in comfy clothes now too) and my 9-month-old….so who cares, right? Now don’t get me wrong, there are days that I do get somewhat ready. I obviously do something with myself if I am leaving the house. However, it usually involves cute workout clothes or jeans and a cute sweatshirt with my hair still up in a messy bun (Parker pulls on hair, so I’ve gotten into the habit of wearing it up almost every day) …and put on my glasses to hide the fact that I don’t have all my makeup done. Or if we are going out with friends or family…especially if we have people visiting or if we are in California…I do try to curl or straighten my hair, do all my makeup and get dressed in a cute outfit. It is incredibly rare for me to style my hair or do my make up above and beyond the basics (powder, eyebrows, eye liner and mascara) …and even that much make up has become infrequent for me.
I am REALLY starting to feel that rut. I am starting to feel bad about myself…that voice in my head; I hate my hair, my face looks bad without makeup, I have nothing cute to wear. I’ve also noticed that I’ve started to let some things go. I don’t get my eyebrows waxed as much as I used to; I used to go every 2 weeks, now I’m lucky if I go once every month or two (and I am not someone who is super awesome when it comes to plucking, I’m not going to lie). I PROMISE I DO TRY TO MAINTAIN THEM…I’M NOT TRYING TO GO BUSHMAN EYEBROWS! I am still very good with my manicures and pedicures. That is my “mom day” every month. I get my book and coffee and I go relax while getting my nails and toes pampered. Some other issues I’ve had that haven’t been taken care of are some skin issues that have popped up postpartum. I’ve had some bad dry spots that keep coming and going on my eye lids and this horrible brown spot on my upper lip. I did go to the doctor and was referred to a dermatologist…but they have like a 3 month wait! CRAZY!! This definitely comes into play though when I argue with myself over not doing my makeup.
Off my side bar now…
So, I really do spend most days in pajama pants, a nursing top and a messy bun. All of it has seemed justifiable for so long now. I had to nurse, so why not be in an easy access top?! Well my nursing tops aren’t exacting cute outfit material, so obviously I can just chill in my pajama bottoms, right?! Parker is in the stage of pulling hair…ouch…so why bother styling it?!
It has all just gotten me into this humdrum existence. My husband is always so sweet, telling me he thinks I’m beautiful, I don’t need to do my hair or wear a cute outfit with my makeup done for him to find me attractive. And that’s great, I love him so much for that. The problem is that I feel bad about myself. And we all know that YOU should feel good about YOU. If you are happy and comfortable in your own skin, that makes such a different in your personality and mood. He may think I’m beautiful no matter what, but I can see the difference it makes to him when I feel good about myself.
So, I have decided to take action! To start, I completely cleaned out my closet…like for real guys! I tore that thing apart! If it isn’t something I’ve worn in the last 2 months…bye Felicia. The only things I kept that aren’t worn regularly are nice dresses and jackets. Goodwill here we come. I’ve come to the decision that it is time for me to find my “mom style”. No that doesn’t mean mom jeans…and no my pajamas are not my new style. I need to find where I am at now and what will suite my lifestyle. A lot of the things that were sitting in my closet unused were things from…what I like to call…my “past life”. Before I had a baby, before I was a stay at home mom…before the only times I really ran out was for lunch or to run errands. What I think that means for me is some staple outfits…some cute jeans and shorts for the spring and summer with some tops I feel good about myself in and some easy to throw on summer dresses. The important thing is to find items that I know I will almost always feel good in. I have always had those tops that I only feel good in on my “skinny” days…you ladies know what I am talking about! Well right now, I am still working on losing the rest of my baby weight…I’m proud to say I’ve lost a good amount of it but my tummy and hips/thighs are not where I want them to be…so my “skinny” days are sometimes few and far between. I want to have that staple wardrobe where I can always walk into my closet and be able to find something I like to put on, instead of constantly saying “OMG I have nothing to wear”! I need to be able to walk in there and feel good about all my options.
I was watching someone else’s Instagram story the other day about getting ready every day even though you are a stay at home mom and ways to help configure your closet to help. It just made me realize that I need to get that staple wardrobe…with a couple of fun pieces mixed in for date nights and other occasions. I think what is going to be important for me too, is to get some cute lounge clothes. This way, on days where I am absolutely not leaving the house, I can still get myself out of my pajamas. I am not one of those people who find jeans comfy to be in all day if I am not going anywhere, I want comfy pants! Especially since I am up and down from the floor playing with Parks. Some people may still consider lounge clothes to be pajamas…but they are different to me and something I wouldn’t be embarrassed to answer my door in unexpectedly. I want to try to do my hair every day; straightening, curling or even if that means a cute ponytail or making my messy bun a cute/on-purpose bun (instead of a rolled out of bed bun that looks like cats played in it). My hair used to curl so well, but it had to be “trained” to do that and now it rarely holds for more than an hour or two…so I need to get back to a place where it will stay. Lastly, putting on some make up (even if only powder, mascara and some lip gloss).
I have the time…even though I try to justify saying that I don’t. My daughter naps twice a day for an hour and a half to two hours. That’s PLENTY of time! Today when I went to the doctor, I actually got ready (normally I’d throw on a cute workout outfit, put up my hair and call it good), and when I walked down to say goodbye to my husband…he looked me up and down and told me how nice I looked. And you know what…that made me feel AWESOME!!!! Now I’m not saying my husband never compliments me, but it’s rare these days if I’m just running a quick errand or out to a short appointment. Today was a big win for me!
It was a bit daunting to start this. I went to a hangout hosted by my gym, Orangetheory Fitness, and got completely ready. I felt good about myself, but it was easy to convince myself to do it since I was going somewhere with a bunch of people I know. Now today, the only thing I had going on was my doctor’s appointment, physical therapy and a workout. This made it much harder for me to talk myself into getting ready, especially since I had a workout later where it would all be ruined anyways! However, I did it. I re-curled my hair, did a small amount of makeup and got dressed in a cuter outfit. I had that instant mentality of “I have nothing to wear” …and then I thought NO, you do have cute things to wear. That mindset comes from having my hair up and no makeup on…today my hair was curled and my makeup was on…so all of these adorable sweaters I got for winter and spring will look good today. It’s going to be fine, take a deep breath and pick out something to wear. This doesn’t need to be an anxiety ridden process…pick out a cute sweater, jeans and boots. And you know what…I felt so good. I looked in the mirror and I was ready for the day. Day two, DONE! It’s just like anything else, it’s a day by day process. Just like working out, dieting, being a mom, being a wife…everything is a one day at a time experience. This is daunting to me, trying to make sure that I get myself somewhat ready every day, feel good about myself…I think mentally it’s going to take a little while to feel better about myself, but I think that it’s important. And I do feel good about myself today, I don’t feel like I have to hide from FaceTime or hide if someone comes to the door or I need to run out to do something.
Again, I am not judging ANY mom who does not get ready every day. I have been there, I am 9 months in. I am just now deciding that needs to change. And that does not mean that there are days that I will not get ready…there will still be days that are pajama days. We had days like that even before Parker came along. My goal though, is to have more days where I get ready than not. And I think that’s a pretty good aspiration.
Let me know what you guys think! How do you guys get ready? How do you go about your day as a stay at home mom, working mom or even a working or stay at home wife?
**On a side note…since writing this, I got ready every day for an entire week! SCORE!! Let me tell you…it makes a huge difference in my attitude for the day and how I feel. And even though today I’m not fully dressed to go out, I am out of my pajamas and I did succeed in doing my hair. (PS I found a new curling wand that KEEPS MY HAIR CURLED!!!!!)